Also she has a funny moment with a Frank Sinatra Impersonator and kung-fu and not at the same time, which would be interesting and I'm pretty sure that "kung-fu" is a euphemism or else I had no idea about the massive martial arts talent Alisa possesses.

• There's still time to enter the fabulously awesome jdotdesigns' feather ankle cuff giveaway. Your feet and shoes will thank you!

• The Better Life Starter Kit Giveaway has ended. Congrats to Jamie!

• I've got a few more giveaways and will post them by the end of the week

• I did finally get the Lifestyle Crafts Letterpress. It's been fun and a little aggravating and messy (but what was I expecting, a walk in the park?), but mainly fun. I will write a post soon and post some photos of things I've done with it

• Too bad I still need to go out and run more errands today because I could so use a drink right now and I'm not talking about a glass of water

Brain is starting to turn ... of f. Mu  st go  n  o w.....

I. Love. Shoes. That's all there is to it.

When I first saw the shoe cuffs and spats from jdotdesigns, I was mesmerized. Okay, so I also got dizzy, giddy and was smiling from ear to ear. Okay, Okay. I also gasped and high-fived C, although he had no idea what I was all excited about.

Don't even get me started on what I did when I actually received my very own brown feather belt and matching ankle cuffs and purple feather and grey spats. I am not worthy. I am not worthy! The belt is made out of this amazing stretchy fabric and has a great width to compliment any body type. The ankle cuffs are just smaller versions of the belt and instantly turn your legs into a glamourous extension of your core. The spats are crazy cool. They took my black suede mary-jane platforms to a new glorious high. And I was in love.

The pictures don't do these belts, cuffs and spats any justice. They are so unbelievably beautiful. Your shoes will truly go through a metamorphoses. You want these.

Oh and baby, you can have your very own pair of jdotdesigns brown feather ankle cuffs (pictured below - a $40 value).

Winning the feather ankle cuffs is easier than finding a needle in a haystack. Believe me.

YOU MUST:

• click your way over to jdotdesigns then leave a comment here about which jdotdesigns product you like

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES LEAVE ME A COMMENT FOR EACH:

• follow jdotdesigns' blog

• fan jdotdesigns on Facebook

• follow jdotdesigns on Twitter

• subscribe to my blog. Click on the Jellyfish that says Feed Me 'cuz he's hungry or click here

• follow my blog

• grab The Fashion Slinger button and put it on your site (it's there on the right hand side, see? No not there. There!)

• follow me on Facebook

• follow me on Twitter

• retweet the following message: Win ankle cuffs fr. jdotdesigns! Turn plain shoes into couture heels. No one will b able to take their eyes off you! http://bit.ly/866wFQ
  (3 extra entries)

• blog about this giveaway with links back to me, jdotdesigns (5 extra entries)

Totally easy. You can do this!

Rules (because if there weren't any, I'd hoard all this great stuff!): Giveaway is open to all U.S. residents and ends on December 24, 2009 at 11.59pm Eastern. You must leave a comment in order for your entry to count. ONE winner will be chosen using Random.org and will be contacted that they've just won one of the best prizes ever! Winner will have 24 hours to contact me with confirmation. Another winner will be chosen if confirmation not received within 24 hours. Winner will receive one pair of feather ankle cuffs from jdotdesigns. The winner will be listed on the Holiday Bazaar Giveaways 2009 page. Oh yeah!

AND don't forget to check-out this year's Holiday Gift Guide - when you care enough to give cool stuff that you totally covet (not like the paper weight Uncle Bob gave you that you now use to hold the door open).

*Items for review and giveaway are provided by jdotdesigns

**images courtesy of jdotdesigns and Rhana Kennedy
 

I hate cleaning. Okay, make that HATE in big, fat bold writing as big as I can write. I'm sure when C married me, he had no idea about my weird aversions to cleaning. Perhaps if he did, he would've turned and run away from me.

Cleaning makes me sick. No really, it does. I have terrible allergies and asthma. Whenever I've used cleaning agents with ammonia, bleach, carcinogens (diethanolamine (DEA) and triethanolamine (TEA) when mixed with nitrites can form nitrosamines, a carcinogen)1, VOC's, phosphates and fragrances I suffer from asthma attacks and get massive headaches. Massive. Also, it feels like my stomach throws up on itself. It's not good.

Uh, by the way, did you know that Pledge contains silicones, butane gas and propane?2 Crazy and scary.

So for the past five years, I've been trying my best to use non-toxic, safe for the environment cleaners. It sucks when you feel like puking up a lung and gouging your red and irritated eyes out while scrubbing the shower.

Recently, I was introduced to Better Life - a green company started by Tim Barklage and Kevin Tibbs that manufactures cleaning products that does not contain:

• alcohol
• dyes
• ethoxylates - can be toxic to wildlife and waterlife3
• petrochemical solvents - toxic and can cause dermatitis, dizziness, headaches, nausea and organ damage4
• sulfates like SLS (Sodium Lauryl Sulfates) and SLES (Sodium Laureth Sulfates) - foaming agents that are used in bath and skin products and also a degreaser for car engines5 (and you put this stuff on your face? No thanks.)
• synthetic fragrances - contain Phthalates which have been known to damage organs. Phthalates also used in polyvinyl cholride plastic otherwise known as PVC - not good.6
• volatile organic compounds (VOC's) - emitted as gases and can cause eye, nose and throat irritation, headaches, nausea, liver and kidney damage and may cause cancer.7 Holy cow, Batman!

So I've been using Better Life cleaning products for about a month now and love it! I've Been using Even the Kitchen Sink in the kitchen and the bathroom 'cuz it gets the muck off. I Can See Clearly WOW! gets those pesky little hand prints off the mirrors from the kids I share a bathroom with. What's even better than using cleaning products that don't cause hair pulling, teeth-grinding headaches? Using products that have quirky names and fabulously designed bottles. Maybe you don't care what your cleaning products look like, but I love it when companies actually put some thought behind fonts and color-coordination and do play on words (like Simply Floored floor cleaner, What-Ever! all-purpose cleaner)  - it stimulates the brain!

Get away from all those nasty chemicals and bring in Better Life into your life. Your body and the rest of the family will thank you.

Here's the 411 on how to win Better Life's amazing and green The Better Life Starter Kit (a $45 value) which contains:  -

• What-EVER Clary sage and citrus green all-purpose cleaner
• I Can See Clearly, WOW! green glass cleaner
• Simply Floored! green ready to use floor cleaner
• Even the Kitchen Sink green gentle scrubber
• Collapsible Six-Compartment Cleaning Caddy
• Twist Euro Sponge
• Twist Loofah Sponge (2-pack)

Winning this green cleaning product kit is easier than getting your kids up in the morning for school. Really.

YOU MUST:

• click your way over to Better Life then leave a comment here about which Better Life product you could use

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES LEAVE ME A COMMENT FOR EACH:

• follow Better Life's blog

• leave a comment on Better Life's blog

• subscribe to the Better Life blog

• follow Better Life on Facebook

• follow Better Life on Twitter

• sign-up for the Better Life Newsletter

• subscribe to Better Life's YouTube channel - Clean Happens

• subscribe to my blog. Click on the Jellyfish that says Feed Me 'cuz he's hungry or click here

• follow my blog

• grab The Fashion Slinger button and put it on your site (it's there on the right hand side, see? No not there. There!)

• follow me on Facebook

• follow me on Twitter

• retweet the following message: No more odors that gag u & chemicals that burn your eyeballs! WIN Better Life's Starter Kit of green cleaning products http://bit.ly/7F8jRE
  (3 extra entries)

• blog about this giveaway with links back to me, Better Life and Better Life's blog (5 extra entries)

Totally easy. You can do this!

Rules (because if there weren't any, I'd win all this great stuff): Giveaway is open to all U.S. residents and ends on December 22, 2009 at 11.59pm Eastern. You must leave a comment in order for your entry to count. ONE winner will be chosen using Random.org and will be contacted that they've just won one of the best prize ever! Winner will have 24 hours to contact me with confirmation. Another winner will be chosen if confirmation not received within 24 hours. Winner will receive one The Better Life Starter Kit. The winner will be listed on the Holiday Bazaar Giveaways 2009 page. Yee-haw!

AND don't forget to check-out this year's Holiday Gift Guide - when you care enough to give cool stuff that you totally covet (not like the ugly holiday sweater your Aunt Hildie gave you back in 1989 that still haunts you today).

*Items for review and giveaway are provided by Better Life

**images courtesy of Better Life

1 Organic Consumers

2 Health-report.co.uk

3 Environment Agency

4 Nutritional Medicine DC

5 Natural Health Information Centre

6 Natural Ingredient Resource Center

7 United States Environmental Protection Agency

 The Beatles pillows - oh Paul, let me lay my head on you.

The Doggy Queen chair makes me want to curtsy and giggle.

Macaroon prints - who doesn't want to be surrounded by food?

Visit Teo Jasmin and if you're fluent in French (I can say my high school song in French, but that's another story and that's the extent of my French) read their blog!

Bonne Journee (that's have a good day, I think)!

But not my good friend, Lady Gaga. She wore her "come hither" red leather outfit and dashing eye wear. You tell me, which one is the Queen? No, of course not - I don't really know Lady Gaga.

I told C I was going to wear Lady Gaga's outfit for the holidays. He groanded and said that someone would probably jump me on the street and then slap me until I came to my senses. Now that's what I call love.

Image courtesy of The Huffington Post

Of course, these presses are out there. I've seen them, on my computer screen. I've been tempted to bid on a few on eBay, but had to weigh what was more important: buying a letterpress machine or paying the mortgage. Having a home outweighs the letterpress...

After watching another letterpress sold on eBaysell for almost $2,000, I got irritated. Why can't I just convince myself this is a phase and I don't require a letterpress to live?

Then I came across the L Letterpress from Lifestyle Crafts (from the Quickutz people who brought you the Revolution Tabletop Die-Cutting Tool). It's only $149.99. But is it good? Will this little thing satiate my cravings to have my very own tabletop letterpress?

I've been researching the Internet for the past few weeks for reviews on the L Letterpress. Some are good, some are bad and then I went to one of my fave sites, Paper Crave, and found the answers I've been looking for.

Kristen Magee at Paper Crave bought an L Letterpress and then tried using it with some levels of difficulty and frustration. Great. Was this what was in store for me if I bought this thing? Would I just regret buying it and wish I bought myself a pair of shoes instead?

Thank goodness Kristin is one resourceful and smart girl. When she realized the ink was being distributed well and the plastic plates that came from Lifestyle Crafts were cracking she contacted Harold over at Boxcar Press. Harold bought an L Leterpress and with his years of expertise with letterpress machines, was able to provide a few hacks into the L Letterpress so that you can, indeed, create a pretty perfect print from this machine.

It's not what I originally wanted, but the L Letterpress will have to do for now.

So I needed to buy one. I saw a few weeks ago that A.C. Moore carries them so I went ot their site and found that they had the L Letterpress for 40% off for the week from November 29 - December 5th. Hazaa!

I immediately told C I wanted this for Christmas and he was like "We'll talk about it." What? What does that mean? I was like "Hell no, we're not talking about it. That's what I want for Christmas and you go get it now." Okay, so it don't quite go down like that. Of course I don't talk to my husband like that. Actually, when I told C told me "we'll talk about it" I knew I was getting it.

I've never been to an A.C. Moore and was surprised one was sort of close the house. So we packed up the family yesterday in the car and drove there. I was so excited, I ignored C's suggestion that we eat lunch first and then go buy this bad boy (I rarely turn food down). But when we got there, the store had been ravaged by holiday shoppers and they had no more letterpresses. Sad. I tracked the manager down so I could get a raincheck.

So a new stock of letterpresses are supposed to arrive by next week. We'll see. Maybe I'll be that annoying customer that calls everyday and asks if they have it in stock.

The wait continues... until then, I've had my eyes on a Gocco machine on eBay. 

Anyway, I took a little break today to cruise a few pages of Craftastrophe and this is what I was met with...

Uh, this is so wrong on too many levels. I curse Baby Michael Jackson doll, curse you! As you may or may not know, dolls give me the heebie jeebies and then some and this Michael Jackson doll puts me over the edge.

If you need me, I'll be in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth.

Image courtesy of Craftastrophe and Kurt Dietrich

*CAUTION: If you're easily offended, beware - adult content ahead! Go have a Folgers moment in the park and come back later

I've received some pretty uncreative, piss-poor, unfunny cards - you senders know who you are and you're on my shitlist (that's the holiday spirit!).

The worst offender was from a woman who will remain nameless, of course, who gave me a card upong finding out I was pregnant with my first child. It was handmade from printer paper of all things and this woman used her fancy shmancy craft scissors and cut out some neat-o shapes. The front of the card read: Congratulations! The inside read: Dear So-and-So, I am so happy about your new house. Love, Another So-and-So. I was given a recycled card, which would've been fine if she'd only glued a small piece of paper over the original message. Also, my name isn't So-and-So and I didn't have a new house. But who gives a fig about details? If I wasn't feeling lazy today, I'd venture intour closet and sort through years of crap stuffed in unorganized plastic boxes to take a picture of this card, but I'm lazy so...

Back to cards...

Why give the same old Hallmark card (my arch enemy) with stupid gold flowers, calligraphy so perfect only a computer could do it and phrases like sunflowers are for happiness, thinking of you and you're my other half? Total gag.

I want cards that make people laugh and if the cards are offensive and off-color, even better. Suck it, screw you, you're lame - now these are phrases I can relate to.

And nothing brings me more joy than the cards from Snarky Cards and the wicked mind of Alisa Star.

Alisa's got a foul mouth and speaks her mind and she's from the Northwest (holla!) and people from the Northwest are some of the coolest people (and that's where I'm from and yeah, I'm cool or at least in my mind I am) and I heart her and her cards.

Here's just a sampling of Alisa's cards:

Dear ____________________

Over the last few months rather than saving for a plane ticket home, I have squandered all of my extra money on beer. I love and miss you all very much. I just love beer more. Merry Christmas!

Love, ___________________

Sheesh - I wish I had this card in college to send to my parents 'cuz they would have so loved an explanation for why I never came home for Spring Breaks.

Dear _______________

Everytime you open your mouth, I wish you were someone else.

Sincerely, _________________

A card so appropriate for some people I know.

Dear _____________

You are so brave! Thanks for hangin' with my family for Christmas!

Sincerely and with Gratitude, _________________

P.S. I'm sorry about __________________ (embarassing family member)

Hey - high school and college friends - I wish I could have given you this card back in the day and instead, we just ignore what happened...

Did I mention that all of Alisa's cards are handpainted and the type is from her trusty Smith-Corona named Bob? Oh, Bob, I used to live with your IBM cousin, Raquelle, and she was a total bitch and made me ink all over my college applications.

This holiday season and next year, don't be without your Snarky Cards and support a non-corporate, non-frilly, no bullshit card maker.

Here's the lowdown on how to win a bundle pack of snarky cards from Snarky Cards (valued at $25.00) - it's easier than telling everyone you're going to the gym, then getting dressed for the gym, sitting on the sofa to tie your running shoes and getting sucked into some lame movie you've seen a million times, but saying all the lines to this movie and then crying at the end and then falling asleep on the sofa and never getting to the gym (and you wonder why you can't fit into your jeans as I often do):

YOU MUST:

• click your way over to Snarky Cards then leave a comment here about your favorite card

FOR EXTRA ENTRIES LEAVE ME A COMMENT FOR EACH:

• follow Alisa's awesomely funny blog, Super Alisa!

• leave a comment on Alisa's blog

• follow Alisa on Twitter

• subscribe to my blog (click on the Jellyfish that says Feed Me 'cuz he's hungry)

• follow my blog

• grab The Fashion Slinger button and put it on your site (it's there on the right hand side, see? No not there. There!)

• follow me on Facebook

• follow me on Twitter

• retweet the following message: Win a pack o' Snarky Cards: the kinder, gentler brutal honesty (not for the squeamish or politically-correct) http://bit.ly/6nmAEx
  (3 extra entries)

• blog about this giveaway with links back to me, Snarky Cards and Super Alisa! blog (5 extra entries)

Totally easy. You can do this!

Rules (because if there weren't any, my mom would win all the time): Giveaway is open to all U.S. residents and ends on December 8, 2009 at 11.59pm Eastern. You must leave a comment in order for your entry to count. ONE winner will be chosen using Random.org and be contacted that they've just won one of the best prizes ever! Winner will have 24 hours to contact me with confirmation. Another winner will be chosen if confirmation not received within 24 hours. Winner will receive a pack of Snarky Cards. The winner will be listed on the Holiday Bazaar Giveaways 2009 page. Yipppeee!

AND don't forget to check-out this year's Holiday Gift Guide - when you care enough to give cool stuff that you totally covet.

*Items for review and giveaway are provided by Snarky Cards and Alisa Star

I guess you can call me Ebeneezer Scrooge. C does. I'll probably get a lump o' coal for Christmas also.

Of course, with having two kids, it's a little difficult to be in such a foul mood when the holiday season arrives. They get all giddy and if it snowed in South Florida, we'd be out in the snow sledding every day. I mean, what kind of person would I be of their laughter didn't put me in a good mood? I'm not a total asshole.

This holiday season hasn't been too bad. I've been able to avoid listening to The Christmas Song and we didn't have turkey for Thanksgiving this year. Actually, I didn't even have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I left the dinner agony to my trusty mother-in-law. There was almost a grease fire in the oven and some stuff boiled over, but other than that, it was a good day. AND I didn't swear too much.

Anyway, on Thursday, I was reminded of this spectacularly funny letter one woman sent to the families who were bringing over food to her house for Thanksgiving. If you've received a similar letter, I sympathize. If you wrote a similar letter, here's an eye roll, a groan and an alcoholic drink to calm you the hell down. Also, watch the video some company made about the letter - that too is funny.

The next time someone instructs you to bring a specific serving spoon and which pumkin pie recipe to use, tell 'em to screw off and bring several bottles of wine instead. You'll be hailed as a hero.

So the holiday season has begun and I'm smiling. It's gonna be a good season...

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Thanksgiving Letter courtesy of Kara at California Kara and video courtesy of Revision3/INST MSGS