I dread the time of year when turkeys are being brined and Christmas trees litter the parking lots of shopping malls. The sound of holiday music makes me wanna throw myself out of a window and all those darned holiday sales create an anxiety in me that I can't explain.

I guess you can call me Ebeneezer Scrooge. C does. I'll probably get a lump o' coal for Christmas also.

Of course, with having two kids, it's a little difficult to be in such a foul mood when the holiday season arrives. They get all giddy and if it snowed in South Florida, we'd be out in the snow sledding every day. I mean, what kind of person would I be of their laughter didn't put me in a good mood? I'm not a total asshole.

This holiday season hasn't been too bad. I've been able to avoid listening to The Christmas Song and we didn't have turkey for Thanksgiving this year. Actually, I didn't even have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I left the dinner agony to my trusty mother-in-law. There was almost a grease fire in the oven and some stuff boiled over, but other than that, it was a good day. AND I didn't swear too much.

Anyway, on Thursday, I was reminded of this spectacularly funny letter one woman sent to the families who were bringing over food to her house for Thanksgiving. If you've received a similar letter, I sympathize. If you wrote a similar letter, here's an eye roll, a groan and an alcoholic drink to calm you the hell down. Also, watch the video some company made about the letter - that too is funny.

The next time someone instructs you to bring a specific serving spoon and which pumkin pie recipe to use, tell 'em to screw off and bring several bottles of wine instead. You'll be hailed as a hero.

So the holiday season has begun and I'm smiling. It's gonna be a good season...

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Thanksgiving Letter courtesy of Kara at California Kara and video courtesy of Revision3/INST MSGS